Love Stinks. Nuff said.

Once was lost...

I'm really struggling. So much so that I can't even find a song that can encompass it all. I'm struggling with things I can't even tell my friends. My friends! Of all people... and they're such amazing people to put up with all of my crap. I can't talk to anyone. I've even tried talking to God. I'm not sure even He can provide relief from this mess.

And it's all self-inflicted too.

I could put a stop to all of it. I could. It's technically within my power to do so.

But I can't... and I don't know why. Perhaps because it means giving up things... giving up people... who I don't want to give away. Even if they aren't righfully mine to begin with... Maybe it's not so much that I have to give them away. Maybe it's more that I'm angry that I can't keep them, that they don't want to be kept.

If the things in my life are stuck in an extended stall pattern, it only seems fair that the people I love be stuck with me. It's not fair that their lives up and take wings and leave me stranded, looking up at their bright possibilities and looking down at my feet cemented in the muck.

But I know that's selfish.

Maybe I just need to find a way to say goodbye. Maybe I was never meant to take wing. Maybe my place is in the muck.

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