"A girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then. It is something to think of."
"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment."
— Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice)
It's official, folks. Cupid has struck. I've found the love of my life. He makes my sunshine on rainy days. He makes me smile and laugh daily. He lifts my spirit. He makes my whole life a brighter place to be.
It only took us three years to figure it out. I met my love in an Advanced Fiction class at UTA in January of 2007. I walked into the classroom, quickly glanced around, picked out the cutest guy in the room and sat next to him. Little did I know that we'd eventually be friends and now... the best of friends. We had a bit of a rocky start but after we both had sense knocked into our brains, we've realized that we can't live without each other. I love him more than any person on earth and certainly more than I ever thought was possible. He's everything I could ever hope for and more.
Gone are the days of my laments over lost love. It all seems so insignificant now. I can't remember anything prior to my Josh and I can't think of anything I want more.
Words often fail me when words are needed most. And this is again one of those times. Love is such a mysterious and infinite concept and yet such a simple expression. "I love you" doesn't even begin to convey the feelings I have for this man.
I love him.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
It's Been a While
It's been a while since I updated. I don't particularly have a song speaking to me at the moment. But I have had some interesting developments in my social life.
For one, I realized that if someone doesn't appreciate you for all you're worth, they aren't worth being around. Easier said than done, especially if you've grown to love that person despite the fact that they don't see you for all you are.
Two, I'm realizing there there is a BIG difference between LOVING someone and being IN LOVE with someone. I have a lot of love to give and I give it very freely. But I've come to the conclusion that while I love a lot of people with my whole heart, I am currently NOT in love with anyone.
Three, I "met" someone online who seemed, at first, to be a real potential. For those of you who know me, you know I don't like talking on the phone. I warned this potential guy of this at the very beginning. However, in the last 6 days of knowing him, he's left me 13 voicemails. I call that "not respecting my boundaries". On top of that he calls at very weird times. He called me at 3:30am one morning just to say hi. Sweet? Or obsessive? I don't know. But I didn't appreciate being woken up in the wee hours of the morning.
Here's my quandry- is there a happy medium out there somewhere? I'm tired of the guy who only shows me attention when it's a good time for him. I'm tired of the guy who wants to be the center of my attention constantly. I'm ready for the guy who gives me what I need, when I need it and visa versa. Which I suppose sounds really selfish and not to mention complicated. But unfortunately for you guys out there, you kind of need to let the lady lead. Feed off of her. If she's not returning your phone calls, back off a little. If she's texting you frequently, step it up a little. Pay attention to her signals and it really shouldn't be that hard. Then again... maybe it is. I don't know. But don't call her at 3:30am. Ever.
For one, I realized that if someone doesn't appreciate you for all you're worth, they aren't worth being around. Easier said than done, especially if you've grown to love that person despite the fact that they don't see you for all you are.
Two, I'm realizing there there is a BIG difference between LOVING someone and being IN LOVE with someone. I have a lot of love to give and I give it very freely. But I've come to the conclusion that while I love a lot of people with my whole heart, I am currently NOT in love with anyone.
Three, I "met" someone online who seemed, at first, to be a real potential. For those of you who know me, you know I don't like talking on the phone. I warned this potential guy of this at the very beginning. However, in the last 6 days of knowing him, he's left me 13 voicemails. I call that "not respecting my boundaries". On top of that he calls at very weird times. He called me at 3:30am one morning just to say hi. Sweet? Or obsessive? I don't know. But I didn't appreciate being woken up in the wee hours of the morning.
Here's my quandry- is there a happy medium out there somewhere? I'm tired of the guy who only shows me attention when it's a good time for him. I'm tired of the guy who wants to be the center of my attention constantly. I'm ready for the guy who gives me what I need, when I need it and visa versa. Which I suppose sounds really selfish and not to mention complicated. But unfortunately for you guys out there, you kind of need to let the lady lead. Feed off of her. If she's not returning your phone calls, back off a little. If she's texting you frequently, step it up a little. Pay attention to her signals and it really shouldn't be that hard. Then again... maybe it is. I don't know. But don't call her at 3:30am. Ever.
Monday, May 11, 2009
I wanna
If you go to www.wordle.net, you can make word clouds out of any words you want. You can also type in your blog url and it will make one out of the words used in your blog. So I did it for this one. The bigger the word, the more time's you've used it. Seems like I "wanna" a lot...
Friday, May 8, 2009
Your Mistake- Sister Hazel
Just when you think you're over someone, songs like this pop up and scream, "THIS IS HOW YOU'RE REALLY FEELING!!!" This one hits it right on.
Your Mistake
Sister Hazel
I'm not right
I'm not fine
I wanna be rain
That tastes like wine
I wanna be good
I wanna be great
I wanna be everything
Except for your mistake
Send me inside your mind
I wanna know what you're thinking
This time, I'll try to be the one
You always thought you knew
It's true, I'm blue, and without you
I'm not right
I'm not fine
I wanna be rain
That tastes like wine
I wanna be good
I wanna be great
I wanna be everything
Except for your mistake
Let me into your view
I wanna know how you see this thing
That us, I must keep managing
My madness over you
Its true, I'm blue, and without you
I'm not right
I'm not fine
I wanna be rain
That tastes like wine
I wanna be good
I wanna be great
I wanna be everything
Except for your mistake
I don't want your sympathy, just understanding
And we'd be better off if I just took some time
To try to understand you
I'm not right
I'm not fine
I wanna be rain
That tastes like wine
I wanna be good
I wanna be great
I wanna be everything
Except for your mistake
I'm not right
I'm not fine
I wanna be rain
That tastes like wine
I wanna be seen
I wanna get clean
I wanna just fall out of in between
I'm not right, I'm not right
I don't wanna be your mistake
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Once was lost...
I'm really struggling. So much so that I can't even find a song that can encompass it all. I'm struggling with things I can't even tell my friends. My friends! Of all people... and they're such amazing people to put up with all of my crap. I can't talk to anyone. I've even tried talking to God. I'm not sure even He can provide relief from this mess.
And it's all self-inflicted too.
I could put a stop to all of it. I could. It's technically within my power to do so.
But I can't... and I don't know why. Perhaps because it means giving up things... giving up people... who I don't want to give away. Even if they aren't righfully mine to begin with... Maybe it's not so much that I have to give them away. Maybe it's more that I'm angry that I can't keep them, that they don't want to be kept.
If the things in my life are stuck in an extended stall pattern, it only seems fair that the people I love be stuck with me. It's not fair that their lives up and take wings and leave me stranded, looking up at their bright possibilities and looking down at my feet cemented in the muck.
But I know that's selfish.
Maybe I just need to find a way to say goodbye. Maybe I was never meant to take wing. Maybe my place is in the muck.
And it's all self-inflicted too.
I could put a stop to all of it. I could. It's technically within my power to do so.
But I can't... and I don't know why. Perhaps because it means giving up things... giving up people... who I don't want to give away. Even if they aren't righfully mine to begin with... Maybe it's not so much that I have to give them away. Maybe it's more that I'm angry that I can't keep them, that they don't want to be kept.
If the things in my life are stuck in an extended stall pattern, it only seems fair that the people I love be stuck with me. It's not fair that their lives up and take wings and leave me stranded, looking up at their bright possibilities and looking down at my feet cemented in the muck.
But I know that's selfish.
Maybe I just need to find a way to say goodbye. Maybe I was never meant to take wing. Maybe my place is in the muck.
Monday, April 13, 2009
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